Marital Neglect

I went to the dentist this week, first time in five or six years. You see, in 2005, my husband lost his job. We also lost our home (to a short sale) and health insurance. He found a new job after nine months, but we were unable to afford health insurance for me because of a pre-existing condition. I have Rheumatoid Arthritis.

I have not been treated for the RA, or anything else besides tick bites in this large chunk of time. I have a hard time walking, especially stairs. We live in a two-story house, so I sleep on the couch. The full baths are upstairs, so I am lucky to get a shower once a week- having to go up and down all those stairs wears me out.

The RA, or rather being on prednisone for 11 years, has caused my teeth to become decalcified. They are literally falling apart. My husband recently put me on the family dental plan, so I made an appointment with the dentist for X-rays and a plan of action. It turns out that x-rays are all that can be done for another year. NEXT year, I can have fillings, teeth pulled, etc., but only up to the $1000 annual limit. The following year, I can have teeth replaced, but again, only up to the $1000 limit. I need well over $13,000 worth of work done NOW, just to get my mouth, and therefore the rest of me, HEALTHY. At the rate the insurance company wants to do this, it will take 15 years before I can chew my food.

Now I will need to ask my parents to borrow more from my inheritance. We already owe the trust close to $30,000. Most was borrowed when my husband lost his job, so we would not become homeless.

Now, back to the subject of this rant. I got to thinking about the basic needs of life itself and stumbled upon Maslow's hierarchy of needs. The basic concept is a pyramid with the base being physiological needs, such as breathing, food and water. The second level is Safety: security of body, employment, resources, morality, family, health, and property. Well, I think I'm stuck at this level. I'm certainly not secure with my health and body- sometimes I wonder if I'm going to fall on my face with my next step. We lost our home and we have no retirement savings and my husband has no life insurance. We live paycheck to paycheck, so there is no financial security. I have been denied disability. I am dependent on my husband to provide for me because I have been a homemaker for 25 of the 27 years we have been married.

When I complain that I hurt, or I need insurance, he says he's doing the best he can and stomps upstairs, hiding in his room drinking beer. No, he ISN'T doing his best! He doesn't even want to talk about trying harder. He wants to be in control of everything. He wants to buy the groceries. There are four of us living here, but he buys very small amounts of expensive foods that are impossible for me to make a dinner for four with. He won't buy pre-sliced lunch meat because of the sodium content, then goes to the deli and buys proscuitto. He buys blood oranges so he can have fresh squeezed orange juice. He is the only one that drinks it. When, maybe once a month, I buy groceries, I'm still in the store and he'll call me asking if I've spent enough yet. My shopping consists of grocery stores, Walmart, and thrift shops. I would consider myself one of the best bargain hunters around. I have worked for 25 years for free, and he still complains that I spend too much. Yet, he spends every Saturday afternoon with his mother who lives twenty minutes away. On Sundays, he goes to church.

This brings me to another sore spot in our relationship. He goes to church to socialize, to get his weekly fill of others' good works, or to have someone to name-drop. I don't think I've heard a word about Jesus or spirituality in many years. Combining this with the way he treats me, his spouse, is hypocritical. According to 1 Timothy 5:8 which states, "But if any man does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." This means it is possible to deny the faith by conduct as well as by words. If one isn't doing God's will by providing for his spouse, then his worship is canceled out and his prayers will not be heard.

Do you hear me husband? You aren't the only one that isn't listening!